Practical ideas for home and nursery
Child crying at nursery drop-off: settling in
Updated
A familiar plan can make the goodbye clearer for you, your child and the nursery team.
Start with the relationship, not a deadline
If your child cries at nursery drop-off, agree a plan with their key person and ask what happens after you leave. A familiar adult, an agreed goodbye and a planned update give everyone something consistent to work with. There is no single settling timetable for every child.
For babies around 14-18 months
Your baby does not need to understand a long explanation for you to offer reassurance. Use a few familiar words, a calm tone and the same small sequence: a cuddle, a clear goodbye and a handover to the adult supporting them.
Ask the nursery to help your baby become familiar with their key person during settling visits. Share how they usually accept comfort, their sleep and feeding routines, and any sounds, games or objects they enjoy. Check with staff which comfort items are suitable and safe in the room.
“I’m going now. Your grown-up will help you. I’ll be back.”
The words are part of a repeated routine. They are not a test of whether your baby understands time or should stop crying.
For toddlers and older preschool children
Let the setting explain the part of the day your child will stay for. You can use a simple sequence or a picture: arrive, play, snack, home. Only describe events that match their actual session.
Give one clear goodbye rather than leaving unnoticed. If it fits the collection time, say “I’ll come back after lunch.” An older child might help choose the goodbye ritual, such as a cuddle and a wave. Avoid promising a reward for not crying; feelings do not need to be hidden.
Five useful questions for the key person
- Who will welcome my child, and who helps if that adult is unavailable?
- How do they accept comfort after I leave?
- Which activities or people help them begin to join in?
- What are you noticing about eating, drinking, sleep and play?
- When will we exchange an update and review the next session?
“They were fine” may leave you with questions. Ask for a specific observation, such as whether your child explored a toy, accepted a cuddle or joined a familiar song.
A simple plan you can share
Agree who handles the handover, your goodbye words, the comfort offered and how the nursery will contact you. Write down what happened across a few sessions so you can notice patterns together.
Use the free nursery settling plan
You might keep the same goodbye while adjusting the length or shape of settling sessions with the team. The plan should respond to your child rather than a fixed promise that everyone settles in a set number of days.
What about home time?
Ask for a short handover and make space to reconnect. You do not need to ask many questions immediately. A familiar snack, quiet play or sitting together may suit your child better than a busy activity after a demanding day.
If mealtimes feel different after nursery, read why a child may eat differently at nursery and home.
When to review the support
Review the plan if distress remains intense or your child struggles to take part in the day. NHS guidance recommends speaking with your health visitor if separation causes a lot of distress, your child remains upset for a long time after you leave, or difficulties continue for more than a few weeks.
Aqsa can help you think through routines and home-nursery communication. Health or developmental concerns should be discussed with the relevant professional.
Further reading
NHS: separation anxiety - information about separation and when to seek further help.