Big feelings · A small thing to try
Helping children with big feelings
Updated
You can say no to an action and still be kind about the feeling.
A practical starting point
Keep your response calm, make the boundary clear and acknowledge the feeling. Check whether tiredness, hunger or frustration is making things harder. Stay focused on safety, then offer a manageable next step when your child is ready.
Keep the limit simple.
Use a short, clear sentence: “The tablet is finished for now.” You don’t need to give a long explanation in the middle of an upset.
Acknowledge what they wanted.
Try: “You wanted more time. It’s hard to stop something you enjoy.” They may still be upset. Acknowledging the feeling doesn’t mean changing the limit.
Offer connection and a next step.
Stay nearby if they want you there. When they’re ready, try: “Shall we put it on the shelf together, or would you like me to?”
“You can feel upset. I’m here. The answer is still no.”
Adapt the words to your child’s age and understanding. This is something to practise together, not a promise that every upset will end quickly.
Questions parents ask
Should I change my answer to stop a tantrum?
If the boundary is reasonable and safe, avoid changing it simply to stop the upset. You can offer reassurance while keeping the limit. Accepting anger does not mean allowing hurtful behaviour.
Why does my toddler have big reactions to small things?
Young children may struggle to express what they want. Tiredness, hunger and frustration can contribute. Notice patterns around the situation instead of assuming your child is deliberately being difficult.
When should I ask for extra help with my child’s behaviour?
If you are seriously worried about your child’s behaviour, speak with your health visitor or GP. You can also discuss patterns with your child’s nursery so you have a fuller picture.
Further reading
NHS: temper tantrums — Further guidance on toddler tantrums, responding calmly and seeking support.
These are general parenting ideas. Personal support can help you adapt them to your child; health or developmental concerns should be discussed with the relevant professional.