Growing confidence · A small thing to try
Building children’s confidence
Updated
Offer a real choice between two things you’re happy with.
A practical starting point
Give your child a small decision they can manage, allow time to try and notice the specific thing they did. Choose two options you can genuinely accept, while keeping safety and essential routines with the adult.
Choose the small decision.
Try “The blue top or the green top?” or “This story or that story?” Show the options if that makes the choice easier to understand.
Keep the necessary part clear.
If shoes are needed, the choice can be which pair to wear. Try: “It’s time for shoes. Would you like your trainers or your boots?”
Give them time, then help.
Pause so they can respond. If choosing feels too much, say: “I can help. Let’s use the trainers today.” A choice is an invitation, not another task they have to get right.
“Would you like to try first, or shall we do it together?”
Notice their effort: “You pulled that sleeve on yourself.” Keep choices simple and suitable for their age and understanding.
Questions parents ask
What choices can I offer a young child?
Start with everyday options: which of two books to read, which top to wear or which toy to put away first. Showing the two objects can make the choice clearer than a long explanation.
What if my child will not choose?
Offer help without turning the choice into another demand. You might say, “I’ll choose this time, and you can help me.” Try again at a calmer moment with something your child enjoys.
What can I say to encourage my child?
Describe what you noticed: “You put your cup back on the table.” Specific praise helps your child understand what pleased you. The NHS recommends being clear about the behaviour you are praising.
Further reading
NHS: dealing with child behaviour problems — Further reading on consistency, noticing positive behaviour and giving specific praise.
These are general parenting ideas. Personal support can help you adapt them to your child; health or developmental concerns should be discussed with the relevant professional.